Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Well Being and Your Spirit of Play

Is it time for your second childhood? Maybe it is and you have failed to notice. You've been too busy doing the things American adults do best: work, worry--and wonder why.

A vital part of human nature is your spirit of play. You came into the world with your share. More than likely you used it from the beginning. A game of peekaboo with an infant shows how early it is in place. Just watch the reaction. How eager and responsive the child is to engage in playfulness.

Unfortunately, it’s all too common today to associate playing with childhood, not with adult life. Remember hearing things like this from well meaning teachers and parents when you were young? “Act your age.” "Stop playing and get to work.” “When are you going to grow up?” But burn this thought into your consciousness: In the growing process playfulness is not meant to be left behind. It is to come along with you, keeping heart and spirit young regardless of your age.

An episode in one “Marvin” comic strip illustrates two ways to view play: One from the outside in and the other from the inside out. In this strip; the family was at the beach. Marvin’s father, looking at his son on the sand, said to himself, “Marvin is playing.”

Marvin, shovel and bucket in hand sitting near a newly dug hole and a pile of sand, had his own thought. He said to himself, “I’m a pirate digging for buried treasure.” Play when viewed from the outside in is an activity, but when viewed from the inside out, it is a way of life with at least two important features. First, Marvin is serious about what he is doing. To him it is not something frivolous or without purpose. There is intense concentration in this game of imagination.

The second feature is illustrated in children’s popular game of dress up. They begin first with the clothing. Then they try on this and then that. As they do they begin to imagine themselves in various settings. In the course of the game they may go to work, travel, go out to dinner, go to a fancy ball. The play may move from one thing to another. But none of these imagined ventures were a precondition for the playing. These came into the imagination with the act of playing.

In other words, in true play the satisfactions come in the playing itself and not from realizing or achieving some specific goal.

Play generates a vitality that you cannot find in any other activity. With playfulness comes enthusiasm, expectancy, spontaneity, imagination, creativity, adventure, experimentation, discovery. The very attributes one needs to enhance well being and sustain morale

Desmond Morris, in The Human Zoo, interpreted play activities this way: “One of childhood's most precious qualities is the urge to seek and find and test, to invent, to discover...The child asks new questions; the adult answers old ones; the childlike adult find answers to the new questions. The child is inventive; the adult is productive; the childlike adult is inventively productive."

Are you in need of play? It doesn’t have to remain lost or out of reach. Look to the ways of your own youth, and let it live in you once more. You’ll never be sorry. Rediscover your playfulness. Make laughter as common for you as it is for children on the playgrounds at school.

Cy Eberhart - EzineArticles Expert Author

As a hospital chaplain Cy Eberhart, (now retired) was a firsthand witness to the entire spectrum of human emotions: personal successes and failures; the deepest despairs and the great peaks of joy. Two questions remained foremost in his mind: How was it that some could find inner strengths that brought courage and hope and others could not? What was to be learned from these experiences that would have a positive and creative effect for daily, routine living?

His lectures, writings, workshops, book In the Presence of Humor and his living-history performances of America’s famed humorist Will Rogers offers some of the answers.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I am a Grinch

I can't help it.
I just can't think of any Christmas presents I want.

by David Leonhardt


It was my first meeting of GA. This is not AA. It is not NA. It is GA...Grinches Anonymous.

"Please stand up and introduce yourself," I was urged.

"My name is The Happy Guy, and I am a Grinch."

The room fell silent. People looked at one another. Finally, a little old lady spoke up: "Isn't that a conflict of interest, sonny?"

It's true. The Grinch is not generally seen as the most jovial of fellows. And I am The Happy Guy. But I had to face the truth. I am a Grinch.

Oh sure, I don't have furry, green skin. And I can't seem to twist my face into that diabolical grin, no matter how hard I try. Not even with a plunger, a blow torch and a stapler – but that's another story.

"Tell us, please, what makes you a Grinch," the moderator urged me.

"I just seem to spoil everybody's Christmas. People ask what I want for Christmas, and I can't think of anything."

The room fell silent again. People looked at one another again. Finally, Little Old Lady spoke up: "You mean I can have your Christmas presents?"

A Grinch who does not want a Christmas present

It was hard to believe, but when somebody asks me what I want for Christmas, I can't think of anything.

At that moment, I just don't want anything. I always seem to have enough. In fact, I always seem to have more than I need. I have over a hundred music CDs, but when was the last time I played most of them. I've given away more books than I've read, and I've read more than I have.

We have a special machine just to make waffles. And one just to make popcorn. Both of them make prize-winning dust bunnies. And we have a machine just to make bread, which we at least use to make pizza dough. We have glasses and bowls that I would never recognize and some clothes in which I would not want to be recognized. "Why does that make you a Grinch?" the moderator asked.

"I make it difficult for them to give. What I really would like is for somebody to come and take things away."

The room fell silent once more. People looked at one another yet again. Finally, Little Old Lady passed me a notepad: "Mind jotting down your address for me, sonny?"

What would a Grinch want for Christmas?

My wife suggested socks. Got'm.

Shirts? Got'm.

Batteries? There's an idea. Put me down for batteries.

Cologne? Here are the bottles from the last two years. One of them is open.

Isn't there anything I want?

"Why not ask if they have any ideas you could consider?" the moderator suggested.

"You mean, like being a consultant on how to give things to me?" I asked.

The room fell into another silence. People looked at each other yet another time. Little Old Lady said: "Just refer them to me. I want lots of things."

Why would anybody want more stuff to clean, more stuff to break, more stuff to fix, more stuff to store. I don't even know where to put last week's dirty dishes.

If people keep buying gifts when you already are storing more things than you could ever use, sooner or later you would be crowded right out of your house. Sa-ay, there's an idea.

"Couldn't you humor them? Just a bit?" the moderator wondered.

"Actually, I know one thing I want...a chalet in Switzerland."

The room fell into its habitual silence. People looked at one another, as usual. Little Old Lady jumped up: "My bags are packed. When do we leave?"

I think I'll ask for a GA membership in my stocking this year.

Get a personal growth humor column, like this one on Christmas presents, in your inbox every week.

David Leonhardt is author of a self-help happiness book. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Planet Focus: 10 Ways to Quell Distraction in an Attention-deficient Age

Author: Maggie Jackson


Eating on the run. Cellphoning while driving. Email avalanches. Distracted living. We prize knowledge work, yet have little time to think. We can contact millions of people worldwide, but have trouble sitting down to chat or eat with those we love. In this wondrous, high-tech, hyper-mobile age, something crucial is missing: attention -- the key to recapturing our ability to connect, reflect, and relax; the secret to coping with an overloaded, boundary-less world. What's needed now is a renaissance of attention. By quelling distraction and strengthening our powers of attention, we can thrive -- not just survive -- in a complex, mutable new age. Think "Planet Focus." Here’s how to get started:

Speak a Language of Attention -- Attention isn't just one thing. It's now considered by most neuroscientists to be a tripartite set of skills made up of focus, awareness, and executive attention, i.e. planning and decision-making. Perhaps most importantly, scientists are beginning to discover that attention can be bolstered through practice and training. There's more research yet to be done on this score, but these initial discoveries can help us thrive in a world of overload. Try deliberately using all your senses to expand your awareness fully when you’re in a new situation, such as a job interview. Or when you are struggling with a tough task, try keeping the "spotlight" of your focus on that challenge, pulling it back if your mind drifts. Think of these attentional skills as different arrows in your cognitive quiver.

Be Wary of Interruptions -- An interruption is much more than a delay in your to-do list. Researchers from the new field of "interruption science" have discovered that knowledge workers switch tasks every three minutes. And once interrupted, a worker takes an average 25 minutes to return to their original task, according to informatics scientist Gloria Mark. Humans are built to be interrupted, since that’s how we stay tuned to changes in our environment. But that means we have trouble pursuing our goals, and even remembering our goals, since our short-term memory is quite limited. Try to turn off the ringers and control the urge to check email constantly if you want to get focused work done.

Practice Message Restraint -- All too often, we are each other’s distractions -- especially when it comes to the floods of messages washing over us daily. The average worker gets 156 emails a day, according to the Radicati research group. And that’s just the beginning; instant-messages, phone calls, faxes and snail mail add to the influx. Jonathan Spira, chief executive officer of the business research firm Basex, cautions people to send only clear, brief, necessary messages, avoid one-word replies such as "Great!", and refrain from duplicating messages in multiple media. "We still have a lot of work to do in managing the knowledge worker’s attention," observes Spira.

Focus on One Another -- We’re so used to splitting our focus between pdas and tvs, and people and tasks that it’s hard to truly attend to any one thing. But continuous partial attention undermines the depth and quality of our relationships and our interactions. When we give each other half-focus in conversations, on conference calls, or at meals, we are effectively saying, "you aren’t worth my time." As well, the "creative energy and critical thinking" that occurs in a good work meeting is lost when everyone's madly checking email, writes Intel principal engineer Nathan Zeldes in an article on the costs of "infomania" in the e-journal First Monday. Focusing in full on one another can help people better connect in a fast-paced, overloaded world.

White Space -- Quelling distractions is both a matter of harnessing our inner resources, i.e. our ability to pay attention, and creating a climate conducive to focus. And today, finding the space to focus is hard. More than half of workers typically have to juggle so many tasks or are so often interrupted that they find it hard to get work done, according to the Families and Work Institute. That’s why a growing number of companies are creating "white space" - physical places or times for uninterrupted thinking or creative thought. In 2005, IBM software engineers began avoiding meetings and even emails or calls on Fridays, so they could concentrate on creative inventing. Now "Think Fridays" are practiced worldwide. Providence, R.I.-based Citizens Financial Group recently made innovation-oriented mini-retreats a part of company life, holding more than 300 such day-long sessions in the past year.

Cut Back on Multitasking -- Americans have made multitasking into a national pastime. Sixty-five percent of people eat while they drive. Sixty percent of kids age eight to 18 multitask some or most of the time they’re doing homework. Who doesn't sneak a peek at email during conference calls? Yet multitasking isn't as easy as it looks, as a growing body of research on the dangers of distracted driving shows. Toggling between tasks slows us down because the brain needs time to switch attention to the new task, disengage from the old work, and decide what resources to use for the new job. Multitasking may also inhibit deeper, flexible learning, research shows. So, try single-tasking if you want to get the job done right.

Eat Mindfully -- We snack, we gulp, we eat power bars on the run. Forty percent of our food budgets are spent eating out, up from a quarter in 1990. Twenty-five percent of restaurant meals are ordered from the car, up from 15 percent in 1988. But this neo-nomadic gastronomy undermines a core aspect of a healthy life -- our ability to taste, sense and share our food. We've fallen into a national habit of mindless eating, which encourages "detachment" from our bodily awareness, says Cornell psychology professor Brian Wansink. Try to take the time to stop and eat, especially with family and friends. And notice the smell, taste and feel of your food. You'll be dialing down on stress and boosting your powers of attention at the same time.

Meditate -- Meditation isn't for everyone, but since it involves a roster of techniques specifically to train attention, this 2,500-year-old practice is timely in an era of distraction and overload. A sub-field of neuroscience is researching the effect of meditation on attention, and some first studies show that meditation can strengthen the three main attentional skills of focus, awareness and executive attention. One study shows that five days of meditation significantly boosted executive attention skills in a group of 40 students in China. Just as beginning pianists practice scales before they tackle Beethoven, so meditation can help us learn how to better control our mind.

Hit the Pause Button -- Americans are in a hurry. We have one of the lowest rates of residential mobility in the post-war era; just 14 percent of Americans move annually. But the average number of miles that Americans drive annually has risen 80 percent in the past 20 years. Forty percent of Americans sleep fewer than seven hours a night. Hyper-mobility is such a cultural value that we scorn the idea of stopping, pausing or stillness. That may be one reason why we get the least vacation time of any developed country, yet a third of Americans don’t take all their days off. Still, racing breathlessly through life, we short-circuit our power of awareness, the cornerstone of our sensitivity to our surroundings. Stop a minute. It won’t hurt a bit.

Be A Role Model for Focus -- If we want to nurture "Planet Focus," we have to cultivate our own attentional skills - and pass it on. Kids today are growing up in a land of distraction. They are exposed on average to nearly six hours a day of non-print media. Two-thirds of children under six live in homes that keep the tv on half or more of the time, an environment linked to attention-deficiencies. Given what we are learning about the lifelong plasticity of the brain and the impact of environment on development, is it any wonder that being immersed in a scattershot world produces scattershot kids -- and adults? Be an attentional role model. Give the gift of your attention. Carve out time for focused thinking and relating -- and speak up against multitasking, interruptions and hyper-hurrying. Rediscover what it’s like to have a long conversation, to sit still, to go beyond what’s first-up on Google. The word "attention" comes from the Latin verb meaning to "stretch toward." It’s not always easy to nurture your attentional skills -- but it’s worthwhile.

©2008 Maggie Jackson



Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/time-management-articles/planet-focus-10-ways-to-quell-distraction-in-an-attentiondeficient-age-452232.html



About the Author:

Maggie Jackson is an award-winning author and journalist who writes the popular "Balancing Ads" column in the Boston Globe. Her work also has appeared on National Public Radio and in the New York Times, among other national publications. Her acclaimed first book, What's Happening to Home? Balancing Work, Life, and Refuge in the Information Age, examined the loss of home as a refuge. Her new book, Distracted: The Erosion of Attention and the Coming Dark Age, is currently available from Prometheus Books.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Dare To Experiment With Your Ideas...And Reap The Rewards That Come With It

By Ron Balagot

Creativity is inventing, experimenting,
growing, taking risks, breaking rules,
making mistakes, and having fun.

~ Mary Lou Cook ~

An excellent quality you'll want to develop in yourself, if you want to experience more fulfillment in life, is the willingness or courage to experiment.

It is one of the key qualities of highly creative people.

In fact, without this quality, many inventions, creative works, and more would have never materialized. They would have just stayed ideas in people’s minds.

And as a result, we would not have benefited from them.

I mean, think what would have happened if Thomas Edison (who has more than a thousand inventions to his name) had stopped experimenting after his 50th (or so) attempt at creating the light bulb? Or if he didn’t experiment at all? Well, we wouldn’t have the light bulb today, now, would we?

And that goes for so many other things we now enjoy.

Of course, besides the willingness to experiment, you need to be aware of other important factors that must come into play when experimenting.

What do I mean?

Well, it’s also critical when experimenting that:

  • You avoid prejudging the outcome (or avoid entertaining all kinds of negative thoughts). And you avoid worrying about the things you cannot control. Instead, you do your part by experimenting and then leave the outcome completely to God.

  • You remain in a highly focused state (where nothing else matters except the task at hand).

  • You make it a goal to enjoy the process (deciding ahead of time that you’ll do your best to enjoy, or have fun, experimenting—in other words, deciding not to take things too seriously—makes a big difference, because it puts you in an empowering state).

  • You be willing to make mistakes…even if it means you have to look awkward or foolish at times (Thomas Edison was said to have made thousands of attempts before finally inventing the light bulb…and he reached his goal despite the discouraging words of others).

  • You believe (without a shred of doubt) that you’ll eventually get your desired result (belief is a very powerful force).

  • You persist in experimenting despite internal and external resistance.
Another good strategy you can use is to make it a habit of asking questions like the following, whenever you come up with an idea: “What if I did this?” Or, “What would happen if I did this?” Or, “What if I…(then simply finish the question based on your situation)?”

Questions that start with “What if…?” or "What would happen if...?" are powerful questions.

(You see, those kinds of questions also motivate you to want to find out what will happen…in order to satisfy your curiosity.)

I can’t stress enough the importance of developing this quality in yourself...the willingness—the courage—to experiment.

Looking back at my own life, had I not experimented as much as I did, many of the ideas I had in mind would have stayed that way…just ideas.

That’s why I strongly encourage experimentation. Not only do I know that it works, I also know that it's highly rewarding. (It's a wonderful feeling to see an idea—something that was once only in your head—turn into something that others can benefit from.)

Again, just remember, it’s not enough to be willing to experiment. It’s also important that you don’t give up when there's resistance (resistance from within yourself or outside yourself…for example, the negative feedback of others). Because if you do, you’ll never achieve your desired results.

Persistence is a very important quality. In fact, so important that President Calvin Coolidge said the following:

Nothing in the world can take the place of
persistence. Talent will not; nothing is
more common than unsuccessful men with
talent. Genius will not; unrewarded
genius is almost a proverb. Education alone
will not; the world is full of educated
derelicts. Persistence and determination
alone are omnipotent.

So, let me ask you: What’s been playing around in your head for a long time? (Or lately?) What ideas have you written down? Or typed on your computer? What do you want to see materialize so that others could benefit?

If your inner critic is trying to hold you back, I suggest you completely ignore it.

Then just go ahead and experiment, experiment, experiment. (In fact, be a person who constantly experiments. Be an "experimenter.") And see just how far you can go with your ideas.

I can promise you that the emotional rewards will be great.

About the Author:

Ron Balagot is the author of Unleash The Courageous Child Within and Confidence & Courage Tips...To Help You Realize Your Dreams. For valuable tips and advice that will take your life to the next level, sign up for his FREE Achieve Your Dreams Newsletter at: http://www.achieveyourdreamsnewsletter.com

___________

Feel frustrated that you're not reaching your goals due to lack of focus or lack of productivity? Or both? This FREE Online Course (based on proven techniques of Learning and Behavioral Psychology) just might be the solution you need. Just click here to sign up.

Click Here to get your FREE “7 Steps To Soaring Self-Esteem Audio Program” (downloadable MP3) from world-renowned self-esteem expert and best-selling author, Dr. Joe Rubino.

Get instant access to “hundreds” of Self Help Products for FREE by clicking here.

(Remember to get your FREE Life-Changing Ebooks, Confidence & Courage Tips...To Help You Realize Your Dreams and Unleash The Courageous Child Within. Also, make sure to check out my NEW Ebook, Public Speaking Fear Conquered: Your Fearless Presenter Within UNLEASHED!)

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Red Balloon of Happiness

Do your choices advance or impede your happiness?

by David Leonhardt

Just when you think you know it all, some 17-month old child comes along and teaches you another valuable life lesson.

Little Lady lost her favorite ball. There are few things that bring this 17-month-old more pure joy than playing with her favorite ball. And, of course, we want our daughter to have all the happiness she can get.

So we headed out to the store to replace the missing ball. Little Lady enjoyed the outing, since there were so many exciting things to pull off shelves. And when we reached the ball aisle, she nearly jumped for joy. (OK, more like raced to the bin and started covering the floor with her joy, one bounce at a time.)

As we left the aisle, Little Lady was happy and smiling. She clasped her replacement ball in her hands as we walked up to the cash. While waiting to pay, Little Lady caught sight of a red balloon that had obviously been used for some promotion, but was now wandering aimlessly around the floor like a lost puppy.

If you think a ball can bring happiness, wait 'til you see the sparkle in the eye of a toddler who has just found her very own red balloon. Pure joy! Of course, she adopted the balloon immediately and clung to it all the way back to the car. Did she want to hold the ball? No way. She had a balloon!

Lessons in happiness

I couldn't help but marvel at how she valued the free, fragile balloon more than the sturdy ball for which I had just paid good money. Is there a lesson we can learn for our own self-actualization? Here are the possible lessons that immediately occurred to me:

1. Why bother having a thick skin, if your daughter prefers thin skins?
2. If you drift aimlessly long enough, you might get adopted.
3. Money can't buy the most important things in life (happiness, joy, smiles, red balloons, etc.)
4. Your child can see value where you cannot, so listen to what she says.

I figure at least two of these are valuable lessons that can add daily happiness to a person's life. Little Lady teaches me self-actualization lessons daily now, and I am learning to listen with head and heart.

How often do we value the wrong things? The things that cost the most? How hard to we work to earn the extra income to buy things we simply do not need. Anyone reading this probably has more than she will ever need, and yet don't we all want more anyway?

Suppose we choose to have less of the things money can buy, and instead chose to have more time? More time to spend loving our family? More time to spend knowing ourselves? More time to just be? What if we are right now giving up the red balloon of happiness and chasing after the costly ball?

Living the life lesson

My wife and I made a big self-actualization decision a few months ago. We gave up the condo in the city for a big ol' house in the country. Our red balloon is space to raise a family in a much less noisy and stressed-out environment, and the opportunity for me to work out of home close to the ones I love so dearly. The ball we gave up was the "glamour" of city living and a fancy condo.

Assuming we can make a living from my motivational self-help book, my free daily happiness ezine , this web site and whatever other work-from-home projects I take on, we get to keep the red balloon.

I invite you to look carefully at your life. Ask what truly brings you meaning and fulfillment. Then ask yourself if you could have more of that if you spent less time and effort on activities that don't bring you meaning but just fill your time. Self-actualization is when you follow up those questions with actions and make changes in your daily life.

Enjoy your red balloon of happiness.

Get a personal growth humor column, like this one on values and balloons, in your inbox every week.


David Leonhardt is author of a self-help happiness book. He also runs a Liquid Vitamins Store and serves as a SEO/SEM website marketing consultant

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

5 Steps for improving your Happiness

Author: samsander

You probably know the concept of a glass being half full or half empty, and the context of this in personal happiness. A glass half full person is considered to be positive and optimistic, where as the glass half empty person is negative and pessimistic.


But achieving happiness is more complex than that, as there are always external elements to consider. And sometimes you need to change your environment in order to change yourself. Finding happiness and purpose comes from getting the right balance in relationships with others, your work, and something larger than yourself.


So here are some tips to help you achieve true happiness.


Step 1: Understand Yourself

Your brain was already hardwired for some level of happiness when you were born. Of course, that doesn't mean that you can't change your level of happiness, it just means that you have a natural in-built predisposition to achieving happiness. The important thing is to know your own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to achieving happiness. Are you a glass is half full or half empty person?

Do a personal Strengths Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats analysis, or SWOT analysis, on your beliefs on happiness.


Step 2: Look After Your Mind

While there are many external influences that affect your happiness, your own thoughts and beliefs have a big impact too. And since you are in charge of your beliefs and thoughts, which in turn reflect in your emotions, you also have some control over your emotions including happiness.

So think happy thoughts. Understand what makes you happy and what detracts from your happiness, and use this understanding to your thoughts. It helps to keep a diary of your thoughts. Write down the positive and negative thoughts you have and how this affects your feelings.

Also try meditation or other mind clearing technique to help your mind distress and stay in balance.


Step 3: Work on Your Relationships

Humans are actually a 'pack' species, which means we naturally crave social interaction. We all need love, friendship and family.

So establish a network of friends to socialize with and just have fun. Work on your most valued relationships – your family, your children, your partner.


Step 4: Find a Connection to Something Bigger Than Yourself

You wouldn't be the first or last person to question the meaning of our existence and life in general. And what about destiny and our ultimate death? And of course there is no simple explanation, other than it's something bigger than yourself and something that you need to connect with in order to come to terms with your being.

And whether this is religion, exploring spirituality or adopting the universe as your bigger something, you need to find it. So attend religious ceremony, read philosophy or try volunteering to separate yourself from the material world we live in, and see what happens.

True happiness can be achieved, you just need to know how. Try the above techniques for one month. You'll be surprised how much more clarity you'll have and how your level of true self happiness improves.

You can learn more about how to achieve all your dreams by reading this FREE ebook – "The Principles of Successful Manifesting". You'll also find lots of free tips and tools on a range of self-help topics from success to people skills.





Thursday, October 15, 2009

Anger Management Tips

Lately, I've been consistently battling with anger and have consistently been losing... I am hoping to find some ways to manage anger efficiently.

I have found this interesting article and would like to share this to you..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
by Dr. Lyle Becourtney, licensed psychologist

April Fools' Day is a day marked by the carrying out of practical jokes of varying degree on friends, enemies,
colleagues, and neighbors. While most April Fools' Day pranks are taken in stride, there will always be some that elicit very strong emotional reactions. Feelings of shame and embarrassment can in some cases lead to explosive outbursts of anger.

So what can you do to avoid coming unglued as the result of an embarrassing April Fools' Day prank? As the saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Anger Management Tip #1
Rather than wait for a prank to occur, give yourself a stress inoculation prior to April Fools' Day. By mentally preparing for a potential stressor or anger trigger, you will be ready to handle whatever comes your way.

Take some time before April 1st to imagine some worst-case scenarios regarding possible pranks and rehearse your response. Then step back and analyze how you appear. Are you comfortable with your reaction? Do you feel that your response will be well received by others? Will it result in greater understanding and empathy or might it make matters worse? If in doubt, now is the time to modify your response. Use this opportunity, while calm and relaxed, to prepare and practice how you will respond. Keep rehearsing and critically examining your own reaction until it feels right.

While your stress inoculation, if performed correctly, should prepare you well, there is always the chance of
getting caught off-guard by an embarrassing practical joke. In such a case, the emotional part of your brain will likely activate before the thinking part does and put you at risk of overreacting and lashing out inappropriately. Thus, in the heat of the moment, you will be more apt to act on impulse than to think things through about the consequences of your actions. Although you may be completely justified in how you feel, it is imperative that you find a way to allow the thinking part of your brain to catch up to the emotional part. Otherwise you risk acting upon your aggressive impulses and possibly saying or doing something that you will later regret.

Anger Management Tip #2
So one of the first things that you need to do is to remove yourself from the situation and take a personal time-out. It is amazing what even just a few minutes can do to help clear your mind. Use your time wisely by working on your breathing and trying to modify your thoughts. Breathe deeply into your abdomen and then pause before exhaling. Repeat this several times and as your breathing slows, you will notice your mind and body beginning to relax.

Anger Management Tip #3
Further relaxation can be achieved by replacing your angry thoughts or images with those that are peaceful and tranquil. Use your imagination and let it take you to a happier time in your life or a more peaceful setting. Allow yourself to relive a proud moment from your childhood or to visually experience the vacation of your dreams. Whether you are hitting the game-winning home run in little league or lying on the most beautiful beach in the world, it is extremely difficult to feel angry while feeling so at peace.

Anger Management Tip #4
Another very powerful anger management technique is to change the inner conversation that you have with yourself (also known as self-talk). It is a very normal daily occurrence for people to have an inner dialogue that can either get them more worked up (e.g., “If he even looks at me the wrong way, I’m going to explode”) or put them in a calmer frame of mind (e.g., “Relax, stay calm, I can get through this”). The words we say to ourselves are very powerful and can definitely influence how we feel and how we subsequently behave.

Even saying a phrase like “
Serenity Now,” popularized by Frank Costanza on the classic sitcom Seinfeld, can actually have a positive impact on how you feel. Since our emotions are influenced by our thoughts, any words that can conjure up peaceful images can put us in a better emotional frame of mind. Thus by repeating a pleasant phrase or mantra, we can shift from feeling angry to feeling relaxed. The key is that relaxation and anger are incompatible emotions.

So whether it is April Fools' Day coming up or you are planning to get together with your prankster buddies, give yourself a stress inoculation and don't forget to bring your other anger control tools. After all, you never know when you might need them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Lyle Becourtney, a New York State Licensed Psychologist and Certified Anger Management
Professional, has a private office in Blauvelt, NY in Rockland County. His
anger management programs
provide an excellent opportunity for teens and adults to learn new
anger management skills and techniques.

In addition to weekly
anger management classes and individual and couples therapy, Dr. Becourtney trains other mental health professionals and parents on how to implement a positive parenting program in the home.

Visit Dr. Becourtney's
online anger management store where you can sign up for a 10-hour online anger management course or purchase other great anger management products including books, home study
courses, CDs, and DVDs.

Copyright © 2008 Dr. Lyle Becourtney, http://www.AngerManagementGroups.com
All Rights Reserved.